hiii welcome to the most trans gender page on this website ^_^this page is here because i consider my gender and my transness and etc to be quite an integral part of my identity and it shapes who i am as a person, the way i move about society and consider experiences and such are directly informed by how i am viewed and how i present myself, and since i am a visibly trans person that is obviously how people see me. i have lived so much of my life as a trans person, and while it is a serious thing sometimes i also sometimes like to make light of it and try to conceptualize my gender as things that people don't normally think of when they consider what gender is.
i have been transitioning for almost 7 years now, on testosterone for 5 and 3 years post-top surgery. i have started the process of another gender affirming/sex change surgery (not phallo or meta but a third secret thing) which is exciting! when i think about my transition 'goal' (in quotes because you can't really pick and choose the results of your transition) is to look androgynous enough that people can't tell if i was afab or amab (sidenote i hate the way those terms have been co-opted and turned into regular words instead of being used in a gramatically correct way. i'm not afab i was afab. tch also stop asking people if they're afab or amab. you're weird.) i'm a fairly small person (5'6 and skinny) so i've been trying to get more muscle and i am also slowly growing a very shitty mustache that is kind of invisible right now but it will get there. then i will get my surgery and if i can get built enough then i will be safe when twink death finally comes for me. anyways
when i think about my gender i do so in one of 2 ways: silly mode and serious mode, silly mode being things that i just think are fun and don't take too seriously (things like microlabels, neopronouns, etc) and serious mode being the way that i primarily identify and wish to be viewed in society. i'll start with the serious stuff first and then move to silly mode.
i primarily identify as a bi transsexual man. when (cis or unknown) people ask me my gender, i'll usually tell them i'm a guy. i use he/him pronouns with family and at work and school. i present myself as a man and want to be viewed as such. i stay silly though because i do also identify as nonbinary and use other pronouns like it/its, kit/kits, she/him alternation etc but i don't really advertise that as much unless i'm speaking to another trans person.
labels i identify with
transsexual
- "denoting or relating to a transgender person, especially one who has undergone gender reassignment" - i identify primarily as a transsexual person because i have medically transitioned & plan to medically transition further in the future. i can relate more to the experiences of trans people who have undergone or are undergoing medical transition than trans people who have only socially transitioned, and i consider transsexual to be like a sub-label of transgender; like all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are square. i also like this term because of its implication that sex is not an immutable, inherent thing, because it can be changed.
bigender
- "denoting or relating to a person whose gender identity encompasses two genders" - i consider myself to be both male and female because i have physical characteristics of both sexes and also because even though i'm mostly a man i'm also kind of a masc girl.
androgyne
- "an androgynous person [of inderterminate sex; having the physical characteristics of both sexes (dated)]" - similar to why i identify with bigender. i have both male and female sex characteristics. i also look fairly androgynous in real life in my opinion.
abstract concepts that are gender to me
i am masculine in the way mars and mercury are masculine and i'm feminine in the way venus is feminine. i'm a 10° degrees partly-cloudy day in mid-march, when the snow is melted enough to see the ground in some spots and the grass isn't quite green just yet. i'm blue like a blueberry and green like a pear and silver and baby pink and black. i'm a tabby cat and i have black and white spots and i'm ginger and i'm blue. i'm labradorite and dalmatian jasper and lapis lazuli and tiger's eye. i'm a river and i'm the stones and i'm a pebbled beach and i'm sedimentary rocks on the side of the road. i'm a pansy and a peony and a tulip and an iris and a snowdrop and a crocus and a bleeding heart, english ivy and fern and tall grass. i am swimming laps in a pool and burning cds and driving on the backroads with the windows down.
but also i am just some random guy in the grocery store. i'm buying shitty bread. lets go transgenders